A Genuine Encounter

Dear Crew,

For a long time, I thought close relationships took a certain form. The best friend.The inner circle. People who know everything about each other, see each other regularly, and keep each other in the loop as a matter of course.

I'd been longing for that for a long time. Maybe it was also because I hadn't had a best friend in a long time. When I finally had one—and later, several people I counted among my closest friends—I was overjoyed.

It wasn't until much later that I began to realize that a relationship isn't defined by its form alone. You can see each other regularly and still not really connect. You can know everything about each other and still not see each other.

And you might run into someone by chance in the basement, talk for ten minutes, and then go on your way with a big grin and an open heart.

Perhaps for a long time, I measured closeness by how much we shared with each other. Today, I'm interested in something else.

What happens between us when we meet?

Are you really here? Am I really here? Are you bringing your world with you? Can I bring mine ?

Can you just tell me that you're feeling like crap right now when you're feeling like crap, instead of trying to paint a picture of a perfect world for me? Can you tell me that you read my book and didn't understand it? Can you tell me that a text doesn't sound like me?

I don't think I long so much anymore for people who validate me. I long for people I can connect with.

That has nothing to do with what their lives are like—whether someone has children or not. I can have a great time playing with some kids, goofing around, and having conversations with them that are far more interesting than many adult conversations. I can also connect with a child as a person.

I don't want to see someone primarily as a mother. Or as a father. Or as a businesswoman or an artist. I want to see the person inside.

And I don't want to be reduced to a single role myself. Not the good listener. Not the spontaneous one. Not the backbone of a relationship.

All of that is me. But I also want to be able to sit back and not have to produce anything. I want to be surprised. To receive. To experience a connection.

Maybe that's why I don't need a best friend anymore. At least not as a designated role that some person is supposed to fill.

One person might cross my path in the basement for just ten minutes and open my heart. Another might reappear after months, and together we create something. Some people stay by my side for years. Others only for a little while. There are some I know surprisingly little about, and yet I’m still happy every time our paths cross.

Not every relationship has to be able to do everything. Not every close connection has to be constantly nurtured. Not every friendship has to prove that it still exists through constant updates.

Over the past few months, I’ve let go of a few people. It wasn’t always because something dramatic had happened. Sometimes I just wanted to know what would remain if I stopped holding on to a thread.

What has substance comes back. Not always in the same form. But alive. And other things come back, and I realize: No. I don’t want to go back there.

That, too, is a relationship. Not every open door is an invitation to come in.

I think I used to sometimes confuse friendship with simply surviving together: we stick it out through heartbreak, crises, and exhaustion. Through thick and thin. That can be precious.

But I don't want survival to be the glue that holds our relationship together. I don't want us to just survive together. I want us to live together.

Discover. Laugh. Play. Argue. Marvel. Create. And sometimes, simply step into the same world for a moment, and then go our separate ways again.

There’s no “inner circle” with fixed members. It’s more like a dynamic network. Some connections are strong, others are tenuous. Some last for decades, while others are only brief.

What really matters is something else: When we meet, do we truly meet?

I think that's not just enough for me anymore. It's much more than what I used to be looking for.

I don't want to be the one keeping the relationship alive all by myself anymore. I don't need mathematical reciprocity. But I want to feel movement in both directions. Not just to invite—but also to be invited. Not just to give—but also to receive.

I don't want to have to keep taking care of people just to build a relationship. I want to meet people who are already open to forming relationships.

With love and a big smile,
Jeannette