A new version

Dear Crew,

Yesterday I was lying on the sofa, feeling dizzy. My body didn't want to do anything. No plans. No to-do list. Just rest.

So I rested.

Today, just before lunch, four large bunches of colorful balloons suddenly rose into the sky at the same time right outside our window. It was as if someone had taken the sky by surprise.

I jumped around the living room like a little kid. “Look!” The moon was still there, too. In the middle of the day!

My boyfriend looked at me and said dryly, “Well, there’s a new version of you every day, too.”

I had to laugh. Because he's right.

In the past, these mood swings would have unsettled me. Yesterday I was sad. Today I feel silly. Yesterday I was exhausted. Today I'm full of energy.

I used to think I had to make a decision. So who am I, anyway?

Today I believe: I am all of those things. Not all at once. But one after the other. Depending on what life wants to express through me at any given moment.

For a long time, I thought identity was something fixed—the one "right" version that you eventually had to find.

Today, it feels more like the sky. Sometimes the moon drifts by. Sometimes colorful balloons. Sometimes rain. Sometimes stars.

The sky remains the same, even when the weather changes.

Maybe that's exactly what freedom is. Not being the same every day. But rather, no longer resisting your own vitality.

When my body needs rest, I rest. When my heart wants to jump, I jump. When tears come, I cry. When a song comes on, I dance.

I don't have to prove that I'm consistent. I want to be alive .

A tree bears blossoms in the spring. Leaves in the summer. Fruit in the fall. And rests in the winter.

No one would say, "The tree should finally make up its mind."

Why do we expect this from people so often?

The older I get, the less I want to cling to a fixed identity. I want to cultivate my life—with everything that goes along with it.

With dizziness. With glitter. With goulash. With love letters. With colorful balloons. With the moon in broad daylight.

And with a loved one who looks at me and dryly remarks, “There’s a new version of you every day, too.”

I think that's one of the nicest compliments I've ever received. Because it means: You don't have to commit to anything. You just have to be yourself. Today. And maybe a little bit different tomorrow .

With love and a video of colorful balloons,
Jeannette