The Old Friend
Dear fellow travelers,
For a long time, I believed that security was something you achieved. A place. A state of being. An answer. Something that comes along eventually and then stays.
Today, I believe something different.
Security is the ability to be at peace with uncertainty. Not because you particularly like it, but because at some point you realize that it follows you everywhere.
When I look back, I see her everywhere. She was sitting next to me when I gave a talk. When I drove alone to a festival in the desert. When I flew to Brazil. When I didn't know what to do next. When I opened up new spaces. When I started writing these love letters.
And now she's sitting next to me again. The same old friend. A little older. A little friendlier. Much less dramatic.
I used to think that feeling uncertain was a sign that something was wrong. Now I know that it’s often a sign that I ’m venturing into uncharted territory .
When I feel completely safe, I usually already know all the paths. Then things get comfortable. And at some point, even a little boring.
So I'm off again. And there she is. She's already waiting for me.
Sometimes with a pounding heart. Sometimes with shaky knees. Sometimes with sparkling eyes.
Over the past few days, I've noticed something strange: The more security there is in my life, the more room uncertainty takes up. Not less. More.
My foundation is stronger than ever. And that's exactly why I'm daring to do things I've never done before. I'm opening doors. I'm venturing into new territory.
Maybe this is the kind of security I've been searching for my whole life.
Not the certainty of knowing everything. Not the certainty of never making mistakes. Not the certainty of always being understood.
Rather, the assurance that I can hold on. That I will listen to myself. That I won't let myself down. No matter what happens.
Maybe that's exactly what growing up is all about. Not getting rid of uncertainty, but offering it a seat in the car.
And to say, “Come on. You can come along. But I’m the one who’ll be driving.”
With love and my good old friend in tow,
Jeannette
